I remember how, as a teenager, whenever I was upset my peers would stay away from me unless I pretended to be happy. They would tell me to get over it, or they would just go hang out with their more cheerful friend(s) instead. Looking back, it made me think about something. A lot of people don’t really know how to listen to their feelings, and instead choose to drown them out with logic. If you are like me, and you grew up having your feelings ignored, you probably learned, without realizing it, that your feelings aren’t important, and so you might have a hard time connecting with your emotions as a result. Growing up I used to have a tough time making decisions because of that, and let me tell you, it was probably the hardest issue I had to overcome. I was always weighing the pros, and cons of a decision, but my feelings were always telling me which decision was the best one the whole time. Sometimes I would even make a decision just because of logic alone even though that decision wouldn’t make me happy. I’m not saying that logic is a bad thing. In certain cases it can be good to be logical, but if it goes against your happiness, then you’re not being nice to yourself.
Trying to decide was a nightmare for me back then, but I think what was even worse than that was spending time around people who dismissed me when I was feeling hurt. In life you are going to meet those people who will tell you that you are overreacting when you are upset with them. You will meet the ones who tell you you are too needy when you tell them you are upset with them for being neglectful. You will meet the ones who make tasteless jokes that make fun of some insecurity you have, and they will try to make it seem as if it’s wrong for you to be mad at them.
I’ve met all kinds of people who weren’t good for me, and you know what they all have in common? They don’t respect your feelings, they don’t respect your emotional needs. They simply do whatever they want regardless of whether it hurts someone or not. If you are hurt or upset with someone in your life because of something they said or did, you should always listen to your feelings. Your feelings are the best indicators of what will make you happy, and unhappy. If you are upset with your partner because they called you needy for calling them out on their neglectful behavior, then hey, you have the right to be upset. It doesn’t make you happy, and you deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated. If they treat you less than how you want to be treated they don’t deserve to be in your life.
If there’s something I’ve come to learn at the age of 25, it’s that, rather than overuse logic, we need to learn to honor how we feel. Our feelings are the best signs we have for telling whether someone or something is good for us or not, and denying them is an act of unkindness towards ourselves.
Alexis
*The photos used in this article do not belong to me*
-Papiamento Version-
Necesidadnan Emocional: Respetando Bo Sentimentonan
Ami ta corda con, tempo mi tabata adolescente, ora mi no tabata sinti mi bon, mi compañeronan di scol tabata mantene nan mes leu for di mi si mi no tabata haci manera mi tabata feliz. Nan tabata bisami pa stop di sinti asina, of nan tabata bay comparti nan tempo cu nan amigonan mas alegre. Mirando bek, el a pone mi pensa riba algo. Hopi hende no ta echt scucha nan sentimentonan, y nan ta scohe pa hundi nan cu logica. Si bo ta manera ami, y bo sentimentonan a wordo ignora hopi ora bo tabata creciendo, probablemente bo a siña, sin bo ripara mes, cu bo sentimentonan no tabatin balor, y pa e motibo ey bo por tin dificultad pa conecta cu bo emocionnan. Tempo mi tabata creciendo mi tabatin hopi dificultad pa tuma decisionnan pa e motibo ey, y laga mi bisa bo, esey tabata un di e problemanan mas grandi cu mi tabatin pa conkista. Ami semper tabata purba di wak e bon y malonan di un decision maske mi sentimentonan tabata bisami cua decision tabata esun mihor. Tin biaha mi tabata tuma un decision dor di logica so maske e decision ey no tabata bay haci mi feliz. Mi no ta bisando cu logica ta algo malo. E tin su lugar, pero si e ta bay contra bo felicidad, ey ora bo no ta siendo bon cu bo mes.
Purbando di dicidi tabata un pesadiya pami e temponan aya, pero mi ta kere cu loke tabata mas pio ainda compara cu esey tabata comparti mi tempo cu hende cu tabata falta mi sentimentonan respet ora mi tabata sinti mi malo. Den bida bo ta bay topa e hendenan ey cu ta bisa bo cu bo ta actua dramatico ora bo ta bisa nan cu bo ta rabia cu nan. Bo lo conoce esnan cu ta bisa bo cu bo ta hopi insigur ora bo ta bisa nan cu bo no ta feliz cu nan ta neglisha bo. Bo lo conoce esnan cu ta haci jokenan doloroso di algun inseguridad cu bo tin, y nan lo purba di pone bo sinti culpabel pa bo sinti rabia contra nan.
Mi a tur sorto di hende cu no tabata bon pami, y bo sa kico nan tur tin den comun? Nan no ta respeta bo sentimentonan, nan no ta respeta bo necesidadnan emocional. Nan ta gewoon haci loke nan kier maske e ta causa un otro hende dolor. Si bo tin rabia contra un hende den bo bida dor di algo cu nan a haci of bisa, semper bo mester scucha bo sentimentonan. Bo sentimentonan ta e mihor señalnan cu bo tin pa haya sa kico lo haci bo feliz y infeliz. Si bo ta sinti rabia contra bo pareha, pasobra nan a bisa cu bo ta hopi insigur dor cu nan ta neglisha bo, ey ora hey, bo tin tur derecho pa sinti asina. E no ta haci bo feliz, y bo ta merece wordo trata manera bo kier. Si nan ta trata bo menos di con bo kier wordo trata, ey ora nan no ta merece di ta den bo bida.
Si tin algo cu mi a siña na e edad di 25, e ta cu, en bes di uza logica dimas, nos tin cu siña respeta con nos ta sinti. nos sentimentonan ta e mihor señalnan cu nos tin pa descubri si un hende of algo ta bon pa nos of no, y nengando nan ta un forma pa falta respet pa nos mes.
Alexis
*E potretnan uza den e articulo aki no ta pertenece na ami*
