The Inner Child’s Starvation: Childhood Emotional Neglect

There are all kinds of sicknesses that plague people around the world, but if a soul could have a sickness, then Childhood Emotional Neglect would be the most silent of all maladies out there. Children have needs, and in order for them to grow up to be psychologically healthy adults those needs have to be met. What happens when those needs aren’t met? Children whose needs are not met grow up to be out of touch with their emotions. It’s like having an aching feel in our hearts that makes us feel like something is missing, and this emptiness makes us feel like we don’t belong in this world. We can spend a whole life feeling this way. We can spend a whole life feeling like a spectator of life, watching other people laugh, smile, and seemingly enjoying the connectedness they have with their friends, family, and lovers, while we sit in silence feeling dead inside.

If you are someone who grew up with unmet emotional needs, I know how it feels. You feel like no matter where you go, or where you are, you don’t belong. You feel like you are not of this world, and you long to be understood by someone, to feel like somebody truly cares about you. It’s tempting to blame our parents for neglecting our needs, for ignoring us when we needed their hug when we cried. When we needed to be heard when we had a bad day, or when we were praised only when we did something that made our parents look good in front of others, and not for who we were. The sad reality is that, many times, our parents didn’t commit these mistakes with the intention of hurting us. Just like you, they were hurt in their childhood. They raised you the way they did because they didn’t know how else to raise you, because that’s what they’ve learned growing up. Once you are grown up nobody else can fulfill your unmet needs, but unfortunately, because of how movies and television depict romantic relationships, many of us grow up believing the illusion that another person can make us feel complete, and take away all of our sorrows. We can spend a whole life chasing after that illusion that we don’t take the time to realize that only we can make ourselves happy, and that other people can only support that happiness, not create it for us.

Self-care is the first step in filling that hole known as Childhood Emotional Neglect. Self-care includes writing down the personality traits that you admire about yourself. It’s learning to be grateful for things you already have in your life, and it’s spending time doing the things you love, and reminding yourself why you are proud of yourself for indulging in these activities. Once you start learning how to love yourself, happiness, and freedom start to follow shortly after.

Alexis