The Selfish Friend or Me Me Me: Recognizing These People

Have you ever had a friend in your life who expects you to agree with them all the time? Who seems to be your friend only if you are just like them, and has a need to make themselves the center of everyone's world? Oh yeah, you probably know what type of person I'm talking about. The self-centered friend.

Any person who has healthy self-esteem is able to recognize these people from a distance, but for those whose self-esteem isn't so great, it's a lot harder to spot them. We all have a gut feeling that lets us know when something or someone isn't right, our intuition, but when your self-esteem is low, you are pretty much blind to the red flags because you don't trust yourself.

Let's say you've been hurt by selfish people in the past, what do you do to protect yourself from getting hurt in the future? Well, the sad fact is that selfish people are everywhere, and everywhere you go in life you will meet these kinds of people. The best thing you can do is try to raise your self-esteem so you can spot these people effortlessly, but until your self-esteem is healthy, there are a few signs that can help you spot these people so you can stay away from them.

1. You feel drained after spending time with them. They talk about themselves, and make the whole conversation about them. They never or barely try to show any interest in you. Spend enough time around them, and you'll start to feel like nothing about you really matters. When you spend time with friends, you are supposed to feel nourished, not tired.

2. When you call them out on something they did or do wrong, they shift the blame on you; they try to make you feel guilty for being upset with them each and every time. If you tell them how upset you are, they dismiss your feelings. Here's an example:

Tom and Ronny were two friends who had gone a whole month without texting each other. Ronny stopped texting Tom because he got tired of always being the person to text first. One day, Ronny decided to text Tom again, and after a small conversation, Ronny brought up how he felt regarding Tom ignoring him for a whole month.

Ronny: You know, Tom, I really wish you could try texting me first once in a while. I don't like to feel like I'm the only one putting the effort in this friendship.

Tom: Really? That's why you didn't talk to me for a whole month? What the hell, we're not kids anymore, we're growing up. The only reason I don't chat with you as much is because I know how busy you are.

As you can see from this illustration, Ronny is expressing how upset he is. If Tom was able to empathize with him, then he would have apologized, and tried to make him feel understood. Tom would have tried to improve on his behavior, which was making his friend feel sad. His selfishness doesn't permit him to see anyone else's point of view, only his own.

3. They don't listen to you. They constantly interrupt you, or they change the topic to something else (which probably involves them). That's a clear sign that they are only looking for an audience, and don't really care about you.

Alexis

Choosing Love Over Materialism: Owning Expensive Objects Is Not A Recipe For Happiness

This article is going to be somewhat different from the rest that I've written up until now, and the reason for that being that I want to get something out that's been on my mind lately. A lot of people nowadays seem to value expensive objects way too much. They do it for the sake of showing off to the people they know just to gain some validation. For example, they might buy a really expensive smartphone just to say 'look, I bought the latest phone!' And yet they don't even know how to use most of its features. People, buying expensive things isn't going to bring you long term fulfillment in the end, and that's a fact. That shiny new iPhone you bought is going to drop in value as time passes by, which means you're going to have to buy the newest thing on the market again just so you can keep impressing people (who probably don't even care about you). You're basically trapping yourself in a never-ending cycle of buyer's remorse by doing that.

A lot of people nowadays don't value cultivating meaningful relationships anymore it seems. Having people you can talk to about anything, and who can be there for you in the hard times is far more fulfilling than getting the newest thing in the store that will eventually lose its worth anyhow. But hey, what the heck, right? We are all too caught up in ourselves and our own needs that we forget the value of fulfilling relationships. Heck, because we are too caught up in ourselves and our needs, we forget that other people have emotional needs, and those needs might be different from yours, which is why a lot of relationships fail nowadays. Then, as we grow older, we find ourselves more alone. Unless we are lucky enough to have been born with a family who loves us unconditionally, we can end up dying alone at home, or in a hospital these days. It's depressing to think that's the destiny that some of us have, and all because of how self-centered and materialistic we have become. All of this because of this me, me, me mentality.

Some people might even argue with me and say: 'but you don't need anyone to be happy.' That's true to some extent, not entirely. Think about it, can you really be content living by yourself on a deserted island for the rest of your life? I mean you might be fine with it for a few days, but after a while you are going to get sick of your own company, and you'll wish you had someone to talk to.

Fact of the matter is that humans are social creatures, and even the most introverted person will want someone to talk with once they get tired of being by themselves. If human beings were meant to be happy completely alone, then why does solitary confinement, one of the worst punishments a person can get for committing a heavy crime, have such strong consequences on the mind? The thing is, you need to be content with your own company, and not need others constantly around you so that your happiness isn't completely dependent on other people, but you also need to make room in your life for people who love you so you don't go through life all alone. That new gadget isn't going to hug you when you feel sad, nor is it going to tell you how much it loves you, and how much you mean to it.

Well, those are my thoughts, anyway. If they made you think about some things, then hey, good for you. If in your mind you still think that expensive cars, phones, or whatever, brings you more happiness than relationships ever will, then hey, it's your life, so live it however you want. It's your choice.

Alexis

P.S Below I will leave a link to an article that describes fifteen facts about solitary confinement, a link to a Youtube video that explains the consequences of materialism, and a study on how being more materialistic leads to an unfulfilling marriage.

https://www.therichest.com/shocking/15-chilling-facts-about-solitary-confinement/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGab38pKscw

https://www.studyfinds.org/materialistic-people-unhappy-marriage/

Physical Exercise: Number One In Self-Care

I believe that one of the best ways you can care for yourself is by developing some sort of regular exercise routine. The reason I say this is that exercising helps us by keeping us healthy, and that's an important part of taking care of yourself. Of course, you don't even need a gym membership, or that much equipment to start. Even just taking a walk for 30 minutes a day is helpful. Physical exercise is helpful for improving different aspects of yourself, such as:

1. Sleep

Exercising regularly can improve sleep, and it can help with insomnia if you suffer from it.

2. Depression

If you are a person who suffers from depression then exercising can help combat that since physical exercise releases 'endorphins' in your brain. Endorphins are the chemicals responsible for 'runners high', that great feeling you get when you do running, jogging or any other kind of aerobic exercise.

3. Sarcopenia

This is a no brainer really. Regular exercise can help improve your stamina, and also help slow down 'sarcopenia', which is muscle loss related to aging.

Building self-esteem is a challenge, but one of the best ways to start is by learning to take care of your body. You only get one when you come into this world, so why not try the best you can to make sure it keeps functioning properly for as long as it can?

Alexis

De-stressing The Mind, Calming The Soul

Self-care is one of the biggest steps towards building up self-esteem, and one way to care for yourself is by practicing ways to destress yourself. Life tends to put us in situations that elevate our stress; our cortisol levels (the stress hormone) goes up because of worries such as paying back a huge loan, or having to meet deadlines. Today I’m going to mention different ways of calming the mind that I’ve learned.

1. Listening To Nature Sounds

Spending time in nature just to listen to the sounds of birds chirping, or the leaves on the trees rustling can calm down the fight and flight response system, that part of the brain that alerts you to potential danger. When we are stressed, this part of the brain is constantly activated, and our cortisol levels rise. If for whatever reason you can’t find the time to go have some alone time in nature, then listening to nature sounds on Youtube or some other website can also have the same benefits.

2. Meditation

This might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I can assure you that this is one of the best ways to alleviate stress from the body. Ever since I started doing this at least 10 minutes everyday, I’ve noticed that I feel more calmer during the day. Meditating is actually pretty easy to do, but it does take a bit of practice to get better at it. Usually, when people think of meditation they picture somebody in a cross-legged pose on the floor with their eyes closed, while humming ‘om’. That’s the stereotypical image since meditation isn’t always like that. If you want to get into it all you have to do is follow a few steps:

Find a comfortable space that’s quiet. Too much noise can make it hard for you concentrate.
Do a few stretches to loosen up your muscles before you start sine you’ll be positioned in one pose for some time.

There are several poses you can use for meditation, but if you really don’t want to sit cross-legged because it’s uncomfortable, then you can easily just use a chair, just make sure your back doesn't touch the back of the chair. It’s not a requirement to sit cross-legged since the whole point of meditation is to make the mind focus on something (in this case your breathing) so that you can achieve a relaxed state.

Once you've found your preferred pose set a timer for about 10 minutes (or even 5 if you’re just starting out), and close your eyes. Focus on your breath; how cold the air feels when it enters your nose, how your chest rises, and drops as you breathe, all those little details. Don’t worry if your mind starts to wander, it's normal. Just try to bring your attention back to breath whenever it happens.
Practicing often to get better at it.

3. Exercise

Physical exercise can alleviate mental stress since it releases endorphins, brain chemicals that improve your mood. It’s also been scientifically proven to help you sleep better too.

4. Do A Hobby that You Enjoy

Spending time on hobbies can reduce stress since it helps us forget about the cause of the stress in the moment.

5. Reading
Reading a book before going to bed has been proven to help you relax, and fall asleep faster. Plus, it has the added benefit of enlarging your knowledge.

Well, I hope some of these tips can help anyone who reads this article with any anxiety problems they may have. Stress is one of the most common forms of suffering in life, and we should try to reduce its effect on us when life gets tough. Also keep in mind that being kind to ourselves is very important for building self-esteem. How we treat ourselves reflects how we think of ourselves, just like how our relationships mirror how we treat ourselves.

Alexis

Note: Here I will leave some links to articles that inspired this article.


https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/03/170330132354.htm

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-3405747/Can-t-sleep-Listen-sound-WATER-Study-reveals-non-threatening-noises-help-brain-switch-off.html

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2213817/Scientists-genuine-benefits-meditation.html

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/exercise-and-stress/art-20044469

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health/news/5070874/Reading-can-help-reduce-stress.html