We
are destined to meet all kinds of people in the journey that is life.
As we grow older, we figure out who we are as a person, and not
everyone is going to mesh well with your personality. In our youth we
have a hard time discerning real friends from fake ones, but only
because of the rose-colored glasses we have on during those years.
With age the rose-colored glasses come off, and we come to see who
our friends really are. For some, the rose-colored glasses never come
off, and we continue to live in a state of denial, letting others use
us, but coming up with excuses for their bad behavior. Usually, our
intuition lets us know who isn’t good for us, but if we are still
in the process of getting in touch with ourselves, how can we figure
out if someone isn’t good for us? The answer to that is simple: by
learning to recognize the red flags. Red flags are signals that
people give off unconsciously that let us know when we are in the
company of a bad person. I’m going to list a few examples of red
flags that are common with fake friends.
1. You
only hear from them when they need something
If
you have a friend who only gets in contact with you when they need
your help with something, then more likely than not, you’re dealing
with a fake friend. A real friend knows that a friendship goes both
ways, and that both parties have to take turns taking the initiative
when it comes to starting a conversation.
2.
Two-faced behavior around you and others
If
your friend acts nice around you, but as soon as the two of you are
surrounded by other people, and they act rather indifferent, then
they most likely don’t think highly of you, and feel ashamed of
being seen with you. From my own experience, this is especially true
if you aren’t popular with your peers in school, and your friend
has friends who have a better reputation. It’s a clear sign that
they don’t really accept you for who you are.
3.
Fake friends talk badly of you behind your back
If
your friend is really your friend, then why would they speak badly of
you behind your back? Gossip tends to spread, so don’t be surprised
if one day one of your acquaintances tells you that your friend told
them of how they caught you in your underwear when they came to visit
while you were still getting ready to go out.
4.
It’s all about me, me, me
Real
friends are considerate of your feelings. If they dismiss your
feelings when you tell them how bad your day at work was, but the
moment you do the same to them they act like a drama queen, then you
might want to consider looking for another friend. The same goes for
friends who only talk about themselves, but seem to forget that you
even exist during the conversation. These people might as well carry
a mirror around with them whenever they want to talk to someone,
because that’s exactly how they’ll treat you.
5.
They try to put puppet strings on you
Now
this is a real sign that they don’t deserve to be in your life. If
they have a habit of guilt-tripping you in order to get you to do
what you want, then you should really get them out of your life, or
at the very least distance yourself from them, and only speak to them
when absolutely necessary. Spend enough time with these people with
controlling behavior, and your self-esteem will slowly disappear like
water evaporating from a cup.
Fake
friends will rob you of your happiness if you let them. That’s why
it’s important to trust your gut feeling, but if you aren’t in
touch with that part of you just yet, you should pay attention to
these red flags, and try to stay away from toxic people. Learn to set
boundaries, as that will lessen the damage that these people might do
to you if you can’t keep them out of your life because of life
circumstances (like if they’re a co-worker, or a classmate), it
will help you feel like you are in control of your life, and less
like a martyr.
Alexis
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